[A heartbeat]

06/03/08 - :

A term's came and almost gone...

I haven't penned down anything since the end of last year cos i guess there were just so many gazillion things going on, i just didn't know where to begin and end. I know how the j2 year started out all mundane and boring somehow for many, especially if you missed out on the j1 orientation and stuff not being an ogl or whatsoever. I mean, even if the year's events are just starting to pick up for you and you've already forgetten how it all started, i'm here to remind you. Anw, first to start, there definitely was a surge in people organizing outings and stuff after school. And i vaguely remembered noticing all that at the corner of my eye while ranting to my dear pals who kindly lent a listening ear, why i don't even have the bear minimum time for any of that, if i even leave my second home called school before dark. 'Fun' seemed to come in other forms of work as long as it's not you know studying. Haha. Very sadistic. I know. Sometimes, i wonder if i have misinterpreted that word. Come to think of it, i think it was more of 'work satisfaction' that kept me going. But well, there really wasn't a choice. Mondays to Saturdays were burnt, late nights were a must, 'play' was simply no where near being realistic. That's why i especially loved PE. The only 'subject' i think our dear Moe made right about. Haha. :P Oh i remembered wishing i could play soccer like guys too, cos kicking the ball was like kicking all your frustrations away instantly. Haha. But since when do guys invite girls to such games except when they want 'cheerleaders' by the side of all that action and fun. Oh, or be the sidekick goalkeeper for them cos that's the only role they have to stay still for so freaking long before the ball rolls over if you even get lucky. :P And just in case you're wondering, i think bro's really influenced me a lot, considering that's how i picked up the game from ge and his godbro when we were all tiny tots at the back garden of the old house.

Anyway, things have just been so 'volatile' this year, for quite a while, it really almost drove me absolutely crazy! I guess some people might noticed a change quite a bit this year, whether its the unaccounted fluctuation in mood swings or behaviour. Like one moment its all happy and ok, the next, its like all aloof and in solitude, if not, being cynical about everything. Bleah. But i couldn't really help it. I guess i might have forgotten to be easily contented. But to contain dissatisfaction was definitely better than spreading it. And i really wanna not hold on to grudges. Besides, i've always truly admired people who are so selflessly tolerant about everything and i thought, so why can't i? All i have to focus is being others-centred., right? But i guess it must be one of my most unsuccessful attempt. Haha. Bleah...

Okie, so i can't help but feel that i've grown distant from everybody since. But its alright, i'm happy as long as you all know i'll be arnd if you shall need me. Meanwhile, i understand how everyone's, including myself, still struggling to get past this phase of life. And we'll all be great at the end of it. :)

So terms' just about ended. I really must thank God and my family and closest friends for helping pull through this tough period and for those who've been praying for me. Thank you all for the phone calls, cards, tagging and messages. I really appreciate it. :) It's nice to have people you know you can rely on.

Now, i have to figure how to work that stand-up iron thingy soon before mom and dad leaves for israel. Ugh.

_.a heart beat._ 16:01

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