[A heartbeat]

16/03/09 - :

Written on 16 March 09:

U know i was just sitting and stoning there at my concierge desk this morning when i kinda felt like i needed to use this space to pen some things down again. Wells. I used to think that things would always be simple and nice and well, simple. And that, to me, gave me the feeling of happiness. You know, am i really such an unhappy child? I guess i've always been known among my family members and close relatives to be a rather hard-to-please girl. As in, they would really go lengths to put a smile on my face. I remember once when mom promised that i'd hv lemon juice with dinner. And cos everyone else didn't, i made such a big fuss over her small promise that i was the only one who got my drink anyway. At that time, it didn't really strike me that i ought to be embarrassed by my behavior. I just wanted what i wanted. (Haha just a side thought, i realised that when i said simple was my happiness, i meant simple to get my own way with things!) And when i don't, i'd flip! Well part of a good friend's well wishes in his msg to me said that it would be most important to stay happy! That kinda kept me thinking, is any reason in my life to be unhappy? Well. I guess not. Then why am i unable to be genuinely contented all the time?

Well i guess after some thought about it, i finally understood that i've been taking so many things for granted. And above all, my family! You know, they rejoiced when i was happy. They worried when i was troubled. If life was a marathon, they've been with me and by my side all the time, cheering me on in the race! Like when i mulled over my A level results, they assured me and volunteered to go to the open houses with me so that they can advise me better. When i entered Popo's house last sunday, auntie announced my grandparent's joy to see me taking a step to the university! And to me, that was significant. Cos they cared, they shared, they are by me side in each step of the way. I'm really grateful for that. I love my family!

Okie i've started work since like a week back. And if u've had asked me how i felt about my work then, i'd just have said honestly how i really detest it! Like i can't quite understand why people would choose to be in this whole environment where competitive performance is a must, office politics is an expected and like its just so hard to see God. Well. It didn't help that i got ''scolded'' today for being overly reliant on my more experienced co-receptionist. I mean, i really tried my best to learn everything in the shortest time possible. And okie fine my boss of bosses said, ''Out of ten questions, you can't answer nine-and-a-half of them''. I guess i was really quite put off by that. In addition, he said, i know u're like very young and vulnerable and like ***'s friend...so its like i always have to worry if u're alright. Wow. That was like as good as a slap across my face? I mean, i might be eighteen(the youngest around) and its my first working experience and yes i know someone there, BUT! How could you so balantly tell me all that on my like 2nd week of work?! Without even regarding how i've even been trying to memorise all the forms and log-ins, and queues!! Plus, there wasn't even a proper training session where u tell me how things work around there. I jsut had to figure my way around! I feel like screaming..HELP! Okie i guess they're all busy and all..but i'm trying alright. Actually, i secretly don't mind if u just let me go. I hate it there anyway! But no, i'm gonna stay and learn as much in the shortest time possible and PROVE to you that i can handle it! Rawr. Bite off ur head!

_.a heart beat._ 21:21

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`